I keep asking myself why this happens. Why these relapses? For one I think that my body is trying to tell me something. I think that it is his way of reminding me to allow myself to feel the pain the little boy has suffered. As a child I had to care for my parents while they never cared for me. This is outrageous, and I need to allow myself to feel this rage, this anger, this injustice that had been done to me. I have a very good intellectual understanding of what has been done to me and of the consequences these experiences had on my development, but allowing myself to access these FEELINGS and to express them is something else. I will try to be more mindful of those feelings to see if it makes a difference.
The other reason why I believe that it is easy to fall back into depression is because certain connections in my brain do not exist, or are not strong enough yet. It's like a river that has carved its way through the landscape for thousands of years. Trying to re-route that river into a new river bed is not easy, and will take a lot of time and work. Similarly I believe, certain neurons in my brain are not used to shooting in new and different directions. They much rather follow the old paths that they are used to. I know this is a very unscientific explanation, but I hope to have conveyed my point.What do you think?
2 comments:
Fantastic Blog you have and as much as I hate reading depression stories because I really feel for people going through it, at the same time it is good to know you're not alone and they symptoms and feelings of depression are real and other people do experience them too.
I'm glad you could come through without the use of medication. I am currently on medication but am hoping to come off them sometime soon.
Well done on the blog
Shezz
www.depressiondays.com
Hi I'm also depressed. I've always wondered what was wrong with me. After quitting my job due to hightened levels of anxiety, I fell into a deep pit or worthlessness and despair. Tried going to my local GP and was asked to get a blood test to rule out any other reasons for my saddened mood, but I couldn't even pick up the phone to range an appointment to get my blood tested. It's been 3 months now nd I haven't been to see a doctor since.
Don't know how I'm coping. Had to also postpone my wedding because I couldn't see myself being able to go through with it. Can;t bear the thought of breaking down at the alter or having a nervous breakdown in front of everyone!
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